Feelings are meant to feel

One year ago, this week I sat on the floor of my freshman dorm room praying over whoever would be in that room following me, and in that same moment of prayer I had realized the hardship that had happened there, and the next thing I knew I was crying. I had finally acknowledged how hard that year was for me, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I had denied myself any feelings because anytime I showed any sort of negative emotion, it was considered bad. I had been hurt so many times in that year, by people, by spiritual warfare, etc. etc. And I hadn't allowed myself to feel, that impacted the way I walked to God, I ignored my own emotions, so I wasn't honest with Him. And my dishonesty was because of others opinions of me.

I am not saying I was perfect in all of these situations that happened, because I wasn't, I too, like everyone else have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. I am saying that because other people oppressed my emotions, I became someone I am not, someone who wasn't empathetic to her own sin, someone who was depressed and anxious of what others thought, someone who buried her spirituality and emotions as to not "step on anyone's toes". I let it happen, which is my own fault.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. I have always been labeled "emotional", and I started to connect that with being bad. Especially in the span of that year, I didn't want to be emotional anymore, emotions are bad right? Being hurt and angry at being wronged is sinful right? As Christians, we have to be joyful, and happy and energetic all the time right? Right?

Wrong, actually, a perfect example of this (biblically) is Jesus. Jesus in Matthew 21 gets angry at those in the temple, and flips tables, in John 11 "Jesus wept." Jesus, Lord himself, was not happy go lucky all the time, so why are we expected to be. Emotions themselves aren't sinful, we are allowed to feel. Its what we do with them that can make them become sinful.

If we are upset about something, that's okay, but if we (in our emotions) try to hurt someone that hurt us, then that is when our emotions become sinful. God wants us to come to Him with our hurt, and anger and pain, so that He can guide us through those feelings, because that's what He does, He is Abba, Father, he wants to comfort! He is Good like that!

So, main takeaway from this, your emotions are valid, and allow yourself to feel, just run to the Lord with them, He will guide you.

(P.S. since the day referenced here, I have worked through my emotions and hurt! PTL! Therapy is not a bad thing, if you need it, it is so helpful (and biblical) to seek counseling)